All Dogs Go To Heaven

            I am almost certain that all dogs go to heaven. But, if they don’t, then I’m not going. Yesterday left me drained yet restless, sad but at peace, hopeful and dimmed. Yesterday we said good-bye to our always-smiling pup, Jessie. Even until her last breath she was licking our faces, wagging her tail and giving handshakes. That’s just the kind of spirit she had, always tough and always trying to please us.

            Yesterday we were reminiscing on the past, thinking of the early days of our little warrior while holding our laboring dog. Not less than six months ago we were given the heart wrenching news that our dog Jessie had bone cancer. The veterinarian (whom I respect but still do not agree with) was eager to put her out of her misery that day. Stating she was in quite a bit of pain, and would only be living a few more bearable days. Not our Jessie! We couldn’t give her up, and in that respect, we were selfish, but how could anyone not give her life one more chance, one more shot at making it tolerable and maybe even comfortable? And, who are WE to judge what lives or dies? We can’t legally take a human’s life… so why can we take an animal’s? I am not trying to get into the mind of ethics, laws, or principles I am just baffled by right and wrong and grey areas.

            The past six months has been a triumph and a gift. We held her in our lives for those extra months on borrowed time according to statistics. I think that’s what makes this even worse of a feeling, knowing that her life was cut short by cancer, but was prolonged because of us. It’s confusing to say the least. The most important thing I will take from this is that she was born in our lives, and died in our arms. She’s the only thing I knew from start to finish. She was ours before she was even conceived. She was so special that we reserved her before the mothers breeding process even began. I am not saying that the love we have for our dog is more than other peoples love for there’s, I am saying that there is a connection far greater that people have with animals that sometimes even surpasses connections and emotional ties with humans. To this day I am not sure if I have ever come close to loving a lost person as much as I have loved my pets. 

            If you know me at all, then you know I am dying to be around my animals all day. I don’t think its weird. If people don’t understand the bond I was lucky enough to have with my dog, then I assume they don’t know the feeling of unconditional love, which is the best feeling in the world. Hands down.

So as I sit here trying to understand the reason why she had to leave us so early, I remember my quirky dog that loved hunting but hated the noise of fireworks and thunderstorms. I think back to the time she ran away so fast that one minute she was in the yard and the next she had made it to the other side of the bay running after seagulls. I can smile as I think of each time she greeted me at the door, howling and singing me her special greeting song. I think back to the times she welcomed me from my long drives home from college, not even holding it against me that I had been absent for so long. I think about the times I would run from her in the yard with a toy and jump onto the trampoline for safety and she would follow, effortlessly. Those are the times I want to take with me forever. I think of that day that we got her, picking between her and the only other “bitch”. I desperately wanted Jessie’s sister. Taylor, my brother knew that the droopy faced, perfect masked, and docile puppy had nothing "bitchy" about her, and should be ours. Today, I am so thankful it was her. I can't even imagine the past 11 years of my life without her.

            I think the only problem with dogs is that they don’t last long enough or that we last too long.