Dear Ty,
The
past few days have been excruciating for all of us. All day my mind wanders to
“What if…?” that dreaded place everyone
says not to go to. Yet, I know all of us have been there thinking "What if?". What could
have been is on everyone’s mind or has been
at least once. What if you
weren’t on your bike and were in the truck? What if you took the freeway (even though that was totally
out of the way)? What if we had
made an effort that would have taken that night out of alignment and kept you
here with us forever? But thinking like that gets us nowhere fast. And after
the “What if’s?” are questioned
in my mind, I have to remind myself of the things that were and have been and are.
You
would have loved last night, Ty. Honestly, even though we were all so sad,
there were glimmers of smiles. I’d like to think you were there making us think
of those silly times. We smiled for moments because you brought so much thrill
to our lives that we couldn’t bear to have a sad memory when thinking of you
until now. You have certainly left your mark on us, and so many stories we
could talk about for hours. I had the privilege of knowing you since freshman
year of high school. I remember that day perfectly because I scouted you out of
a crowd and asked my friend Alis who you were. Quickly, my arm was grabbed and
I was being hauled across the commons floor from that weird green statue thing
to the area where they have the salad bar and doughy pizza. Alis introduced us
and… you blew me off! I couldn’t believe it! I wish now I could say that it was
love at first sight, but you really crushed my ego. I remember instant fury
running through me. But I quietly walked away. To then meet you in biology
class. I remember thinking, “this is great, I have to spend a whole year with this guy.” Immediately our personalities were not a fit,
and I honestly don’t remember how they ended up fitting, but I am assuming one
of the girls convinced you that I wasn’t all that bad. We ended up becoming
friends and lighting erasers on fire with the Bunsen Burners together in the
back of the class (which is about all of the terminology I remember from bio). Man, I felt like such a rebel with you!
I
will never forget the crush I had on you…like every other girl! As us girls
heard the news of your accident we sat and watched movies and drank box wine
(which actually wasn’t that bad) and we each realized that we all had at one
point or another been infatuated with you. Even though you chose many other
girls over me, I will forgive you, you heartbreaker. I mean, how could girls
not fall for you… you had your ears pierced, styled hair, and played the drums
in a church band (which surpassed many of the other fine young bachelors in our grade)! I remember thinking to myself “oh my gosh, he’s smoking hot, ANNDDDDD he loves Jesus!? Who
is this guy?!” To answer who is this guy, we can all refer back to our memory
banks. You are the guy who’s laugh was contagious. Who could hit girls in the
back of the head at the lunch table, and make everyone laugh (even though
hitting girls is wildly unacceptable to most people, but not our friends). You
could dance the funniest way and make the most hideous faces, and girls would
still love to dance with you. Dancing was something I remember so well about
high school. You and the boys would get the filthiest faces, and dances
together in the ugliest unison way possible. It was hideous, but hilarious. And
the way you and the boys spoke to each other, it was like you had your own
language. So grown up of course. I miss those days so much. I remember the days
that high school felt like it was out of a movie. We would watch you guys crush
other teams playing football on a Friday night, meanwhile we would tell one
person that someone’s parents were out of town (usually mine) and then fleets
of people would show up after the game ready to rage, for some until curfew,
and for others, all night.
I
think that this is what’s making it easier for all of us to cope with, is the
fact that we all shared such a bond, like a family. Even though it changed
after high school and we all went our own ways, I felt like we could come home
and see each other and still laugh about the same ridiculous things, and still
act like hormonal little teenagers and talk about poop and farting (because
blaming a poop or fart on a girl will always be funny.) I’d like to thank you
for the simple fact that it is hard to look back on your life without laughing
or cracking a smile. In even the hardest times you bring such light energy to
the room.
Each time I drive by that space on
Reid Road I will remind myself that life is short, but can be quite full
because of you. You have made such a difference in so many peoples lives and
have had so many adventures. It is easy to say that many of us want to live a
life like you did. Even though it was short, yours seemed jam-packed full of
adventure. You truly lived it up.
Don't forget to save me a spot up there. We love you so much.
With Love,
Tara
Ps. Can't wait to hear you sing that Jimmy Eat World song
again, doing the finger drums on the dash.
